if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
