You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Randomize
