It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
