I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
