So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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