Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
