you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
