the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
