They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
