i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
