i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
