Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
