I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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