dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
