I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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