I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
