Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
