My brain says no but my pants say off.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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