You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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