i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
