Is it normal to miss your booty call?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
