I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
