Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
