i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
