Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
