My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
