he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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