I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Are my feet made of real feet?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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