people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
