My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
