If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
