hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
