apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
