My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Randomize
