He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
