Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
