6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
