3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
So. Much. Porn.
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