woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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