I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
