would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
