Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
