New invention idea: vibrating tampons
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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