Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
