My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
