Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
