it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
