I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
