you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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