I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
