I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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