ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
