Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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