Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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