thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
